Love is something we all dream of. As young women we dream of finding "the one" who is our soul mate, and someone with which we can be happy. Young men feel a strong attraction to girls and start projecting that one day they want a family, so they have to make enough money, and also must hopefully find the one they are supposed to be with.
I feel like these are all normal dreams for people and we hold to them for good reason.
The reality is that it takes several qualities to make a successful relationship work, which I would like to cover in series of blogs to this effect, before even looking at the esoteric phenomenon that could be in play, i.e. soul mates and twin flame connections.
As we bring this dream of love into our adulthood, it quite frankly doesn't bode so well for some of us, and we start to wonder if we are meant to be with anyone at all.
Let's look at some of the most important ingredients in creating a successful Love stew, so to speak. We need at the top of the list, two things, good communication skills and trust. Without these two, we will be fighting a battle not only with the object of our desire, but with ourselves and wondering if we are inadequate in some way.
My suggestion is to observe first, observe how you communicate and how your partner communicates. You will notice one or both of you are holding back, a holding back could be fear based, or could be something you learned from modeling your family. Communication is also not only about speaking but about listening. A good question to ask is ... am I listened to understand what the other person is saying, or am I listening to prepare what I will say. This difference can be staggering because it speaks to intent. What is the true intent in our communications?
Next is Trust, well, I thinking most of us can see how devastating a lack of trust can be to any type of relationship let alone a romantic one. This speaks to something we often don't consider which is the need to heal. To heal those areas that caused a break in trust. Without trust we often end up acting out with our partners by distancing them, being overly suspicious with or without cause, and monitoring them beyond what is reasonable in terms of their actions and speech. The list is actually longer that this. Often times we shut down, and are afraid of true commitment, or are the opposite requiring commitment or else. Yikes!
What have you observed about trust and communication in your relationships?